What if your child is the one bullying others? They also need help and attention
- Josephine Hunt
- Mar 13
- 3 min read
When talking about bullying, most advice focuses on protecting victims. But what happens when it’s your own child who is hurting others?
Published March 12, 2026 – 12:52 PM EDT
Understanding what is behind aggressive behavior can help parents better guide their children.
ATLANTA – When discussing bullying, most recommendations focus on how to protect the children who experience it. However, much less is said about what to do when your own child is the one causing harm to others.
For many families, facing that reality can be difficult, but it can also become an opportunity to make a difference by teaching stronger emotional skills.
According to Josephine Hunt, who holds a master’s degree in education and leadership and is a youth advocate, it is important to understand that children’s behavior almost always communicates something deeper.
“Behavior is a form of communication,” she explained to Univision. “When a child repeatedly hurts others with words or actions, it is usually a sign that something else is happening beneath the surface.”
What is bullying?
The American Psychological Association defines bullying as persistent, intimidating, or aggressive behavior, either physical or verbal, directed toward others—especially those who are younger, smaller, weaker, or in a relatively disadvantaged situation.
In other words, it involves repeated behaviors that seek to impose power or control over someone who has less ability to defend themselves at that moment.
Today, more than ever, this conversation is important.
Many people assume bullying is simply a problem of bad behavior. However, behind that behavior, there may be frustration, insecurity, difficulty regulating emotions, or even a strong desire to feel accepted or to have control in social situations.
Hunt says that observing patterns can help parents better understand what is happening. For example, if the behavior appears during moments of stress, major life changes, or conflicts with peers. It may also be a sign that the child has difficulty expressing what they feel or resolving social problems.
“This does not justify the behavior,” Hunt clarifies, “but it does help parents move from simply reacting to the problem to understanding what skill their child needs to develop.”
How to talk about the issue with your child and what to do
One of the biggest challenges for parents is starting a conversation when their child has hurt someone else. The specialist says it is best to approach the conversation calmly rather than from a place of shame or immediate punishment.
When children feel attacked, they often become defensive or emotionally shut down. For this reason, she suggests starting with questions. A simple example could be: “I heard something happened today with a classmate. Can you tell me what happened?”
These types of questions open the door for the child to share their perspective.
At the same time, it is important to be clear about boundaries. Parents can explain that hurting others is not okay, but that they are there to help understand what happened and find a better way to handle it next time.
According to Hunt, children learn responsibility when adults combine clear expectations with support and guidance. At home, parents can help their children by teaching social and emotional skills that they may not yet have developed.
Questions such as:
“How do you think your classmate felt when that happened?”
“What could you do differently next time?”
help the child reflect on the impact of their actions.
It is also important to teach children to name their emotions, since many children resort to hurtful behaviors because they still do not know how to express frustration, jealousy, or disappointment in healthy ways.
In addition, teaching children how to repair the harm through specific actions, such as learning to apologize, showing concern for the person who was hurt, and finding ways to make amends, helps develop empathy and responsibility.
How parents and educators should respond to bullying
When a bullying situation occurs, collaboration between families and schools is essential to provide the right tools. The focus should be on teamwork, not on finding someone to blame.
Schools can offer information about when and where problematic behaviors occur, while parents can share whether the child is experiencing changes, stress, or emotional challenges outside of school. This allows adults to respond early while also observing how the child behaves outside the school environment.
“When adults work together, they can focus on developing the child’s skills instead of simply punishing the behavior,” the specialist adds.
This may include teaching conflict resolution, emotional regulation strategies, or providing structured opportunities to practice positive interactions with peers.
This article was produced in collaboration with TMX.
If you or someone you know needs help, the U.S. National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available by calling or texting 988.
Comments